a little fall of rain

A Little Fall of Rain

Les Miserables has the best songs and lyrics ever.  I could still remember watching the 10th Anniversary Edition with my mom when I was small and singing along (of course I sang terribly).  The melody and the way they sang it just left me in awe every time.  As I grew older, I came to appreciate the words too, and I appreciate them a lot.  They're so so beautiful and I wish one day, I could write something like them.  The movie was really different from the musicals, but it's wonderful as well.  The shots were so raw and real, I was sucked deep into the movie the moment it began.  A Little Fall of Rain is one of my favorite out of all the songs, and I mean, how could anyone just have one favorite among those heavenly melodies and words.  So here are some of my other favorites.

A Heart Full of Love

Drink with Me

Stars

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

There are just so many, I should stop here before I flood this post with videos.

Devendra Banhart and Ana Kras

I've seen this in my tumblr dashboard for a few times, but lately, I have no idea why it keeps coming up agian and again.  Anyway, Devendra Banhart and Ana Kras has, like, the most amazing and romantic love story in my opinion.  I don't think I could ever be so spontaneous. Oh, and they are one of the chic-est and coolest couple out there in my opinion.  I want their life...

 (He looks so much better with short hair, btw.  And seeing him and ana in fashion shows and Kooples posters...gosh, such transformation.)

more boho

pics via spell, studded hearts, tumblr, wildfox

the perks and detriments of down counting

Down counting and me, we go way back.  And I have to say (shamelessly) that I have mastered the art of down counting.  Perhaps, not mastered...but I have gotten a full and deep understanding of the art of down counting.

I hated studying Chinese History and I could still remember down counting since the very beginning,how many Chinese History tests and exams I still have got left (Chinese History is no longer a compulsory subject in grade 10 in my school, and I was dying for that last exam to come).

Grade 9 was a tough year for me as I was juggling 15 subjects plus my crazy demanding extra curricular activities in my hands, and I would down count the days I have left until there was holiday and I could have time to breathe, until the common test month was over, until the project I had to do would be done and finished and etc.  I swear I wouldn't have survived grade 9 without down counting.

Here's a little tip to y'all.  We do not set our down-counter, no matter in our head or in our phones (yes, there are apps for that), to the day we dread; but to the day after,when all is over.  If you have any suck-y project or work that you dread coming up, down counting until the day of relief (caution: not the day of doom, but the day of relief) will instantly make you feel better.  It shows us that there is an end to everything, that time will pass.  Down counting can give us hope, keep us pumped and help us hold on, stay strong and endure, overcome the present/ the near future that we were sure will kill us.  At least that is what it does for me.

But as I have slowly adapted to the mindset of down counting, and have given more deep thought to it, I realized that down counting should not be applied to everything.  Counting down to lasts is sad, of course.  But counting down to things that don't have a definite ending, or an ending date that you know, is even more  sad and scary, and gives you a lot of doubts towards the future.  (Sorry, I am a pessimist and I tend to go to the darker route of things.)

For example: I am lucky that I still have my grandparents with me, and they are pretty old, both are in their eighties and both have their own elderly illnesses.  Almost every time I see them, I would wonder if it is the last 30 times I will see them, or the last 67, or even the last  10.  I love them dearly and I don't want to lose them.  Yet, I am going abroad soon, and  I will see them less often.  What if anything happens to them (touch wood) while I'm away, and that last hug before I board the plane will actually be the last moment we share together.

(An)other example(s):  I will often wonder if it (any random moment) will be the last moment I am with this friend, or that friend of mine.  Or if this will be the last words someone will hear from me and we will never see each other again.  If it were, which I would never know, I would want to say something nice, something memorable, and hug them tight and treasure the moment.

Yet, the thing is, we will never know, and can only always live in doubt.  Down counting to things that we aren't sure of is terrifying and stresses us out (or is it just me).   Sometimes, I wish there will be digits above everyone's head that show people how many times the person and oneself will meet and share moments together.   But then, I would un-wish it because I am not sure if I really want to know.  I would be traumatized every time I see the number decrease and when it becomes single digits, then zero.  I would be crying constantly and be sad all the time because those digits would be constant reminders that what I always thought was infinite (time I have with my mom, my family, my friends) actually has an end.

Us not knowing the lasts, I guess, is a gift from God.  We shan't ever know because we have to treasure every moment, live and love the fullest, as cliche as it sounds.  And the knowing when are the forever-goodbyes, and see-you-nevers is heart breaking; and our world, us, mankind can only bear so many tears and heart breaks.  I still swear by down counting to days of relief, but down counting to the unknown just freaks me out; though I will still sometimes journey into this dark tunnel of unknown, indefinite future because it reminds me to live and love the fullest, to live life without regrets.

St. Augustine

St. Augustine is such a beautiful, beautiful song.  I love the tingling sad feeling that it gives.  And also the calmness and peacefulness in the voice and melody, though the images and words are quite violent, and full of frustration, regret and remorse.  It is a great mix of gentleness in the tone and the slight violence/self-destruction (perhaps?) in the words.

Lyrics: 

Silver scents of Saint Augustine
Fire in the ground
Between my better teeth
We're dancing on the poison in their graves
At the end of the night
We'd all seen better days

I know you tried
I know you're cursed
I know your best was still your worst
When Hollywood was calling out your name

Saint Augustine

if I stayed behind
Would you let your hair grow?
I will forget
The favors that you owe
I'm dreaming of car wrecks and thunderstorms bright
Let's bury ourselves
And go haunt someone tonight

I know you tried
I know you're cursed
I know your best was still your worst
When Hollywood was calling out your name

Saint Augustine

troopers of the future

What I want to talk about today is living in the future.  I don't know where I got these from, perhaps it's due to my leftie-ness?  I find myself thinking and imagining more of the future rather than the present when I have the time to think.  Now that I thought about it, I realize that most of the time when I was thinking about the present, I was either worrying or under high-pressure (of course there are exceptional cases of extreme joy and wonder when I live in the present).  In my head, there is always images and snippets of the future that I imagined.  Sometimes, they just flash once and then they were gone; sometimes, they stay for quite awhile in my head until the future collides with the present and I compare whether the 'future' in my head (that had became the present) match with the present.  Most of the time they don't, because if it does, I must be a wizard or X-men or a prophet or something of that sort, and trust me, I'm not. *wink*

Some people believe that it is not really healthy , living in the future rather than in the present.  It's quite true for me, I guess.  Being the type of person who worry too much, freak out too much (leftie-syndrome/stereotype), the future, most of the time doesn't look that optimistic.  And even when it does seem optimistic and gleeful and hopeful, I can always come up with terrible images that just kills the mood every time.  And I become this down, hopeless and frowning ball of dark energy, and this is not healthy, I know, and I am trying to change that (am I?).  But in another way, living in the future helps boost my imagination and creativity (and yours too, if you have the similar thing going on in your mind). When my mind is idle from the present, it always wander off to the future and its infinite what-ifs.  'What if this happens?' 'It'd be cool if that happens.' 'Omg, what if it doesn't work out?'

Say, when I was in Secondary 1 (i.e. grade 7), I started imagining how I would feel when I graduate and finish high school.  During my 6 years of secondary school education, I had imagined so many different versions of it.  Here are some examples: 'I will be cool and not shed a tear and watch my friends cry and yelp for those long lost good old days of youth', 'or I might be the dramatic cry baby and hug everybody, and I will let my tears soak into their shirts and onto their shoulders and they will comfort me and say that we will meet again', 'oh and I will write letters and autographs to all my friends, and we will go out for drinks and get drunk and be fun like Carrie and her girls (SATC minus the crazy love-making part of course)'.  Now that I have graduated and the 'old future' had became the present, all I felt is melancholy and nervousness and excitement, and fyi, I am still sticking to mocktails.  But that's alright because the present is only so short a period of time, whereas the future is infinite. And I have moved on to living in other futures, my college years, my love life, my career, my marriage (if someone would marry me), my kids (if I would have someone marry me and have kids with me), my later years, and my last words.  There are just so many things that I could imagine and fill my head with that I sometimes think to myself, living in the future is so much more fun than living in the present (#truth).

So here's to all you mind troopers of the future out there, rock on, fellas.  I will be your companion and travel in my own future, and you yours.  We will have so much fun together separately (and disappointments too, perhaps for me.  but I'm cool with it, I guess).

itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini

Apologies for the future never-ending looping of this song in your head for the rest of your day.  But I'm sure you won't mind.  And Brian Hyland, you stole my heart away.