The Heartache of Missing Someone

Missing someone hurts.

When you miss someone, you find yourself lying in your bed past midnight, with a warm drop of tear rolling down the side of your face, and you realize you are crying. Sometimes, you want to cry. You think that tears will wash away all sorrows and wash you closer ashore. It does sometimes. But sometimes, you just wail and wail until your voice breaks and your eyes swell and you notice: nothing has changed. The distance is still present.

When you miss someone, you find yourself lying awake at 4am in the morning, counting the stars between you and love. And you fall in and out of sleep, because your heart tugs at you, reminding you to remember and to miss. For most of the time, love is the first thought in your mind when you awaken. When you open your eyes, you think of the face that you miss so much. You wish that you could feel the warmth of the other body beside you, or smell the familiar scent of love. And you realize every time, after you have come to yourself, that you are alone.

When you miss someone, you find your heart beating and thumping, sometimes louder than ever, trying to signal to the other heart half way across the globe that you are missing love. Or you find your heart beating silently, listening for a distinct beat, synchronized to yours, signaling to you half way across the globe too, telling you the very same. Sometimes your heart hears it, senses it and you become warm and filled up. But sometimes you won't. And that is when it all gets dark.

But missing someone is not all heartache.

Missing someone is hope. Every dawn is a reminder that you are one day closer to seeing love again. Every night is a chance for you and love to meet among the clouds, or make out on the grass, or sit on the fire escape, gazing out at the terrain of big churches and small houses below the golden haze.

Missing someone is building castles in the air. Every time you raise your hand to touch the illuminated glass screen,you close your eyes and feel the stubbles on love's cheeks. When your spirits sank, you hear love humming from across the seas, and you find yourself curled up in love's embrace.

Missing someone is patience. Every wave of dire longing are waves you learn to overcome. You choke and you fall, but you are going to rise back up every time because you know you care and you will never let the warm waters go. You know that one day, you will ride the waves in glory, with love's arms wrapped tightly around you and you will rejoice.

Missing someone is a reminder that you can feel. Every emotions that strike your heartstrings, every joy and sorrow that roll around the tip of your tongue or down your face show that you are capable of staying consistent, of not changing, of holding on and of not letting go.

Missing someone is hard, is painful, but is also beautiful and lovely. Because every time you and love connect, it is the best feeling of all.

Oh boy, I miss you so. I miss you so.