Hell yea, Dakota Fanning, I've grown up. Today, I turned 18! Well, turns out being 18 doesn't feel magical and empowered and different. I just feel like myself. I still think people that are over 25 are quite old (don't hate me please). I kind of still call myself a kid and others adults even though I'm officially an adult now.
And because this is the first day I'm officially an adult, I have more than the right to be nostalgic of my childhood. We all had those days when we were tiny and dreaming of the day when we will be adults, wearing pretty clothes and high heels and make up. I didn't go into the particularly girly route as to dress up in my mama's clothes and put on her red lipstick, though. Instead I was a little tomboy when I was small. But I had my fair share of hopes and dreams and imaginations of being a grown up. I desperately wanted to grow up and constantly wondered what I'll become, how I'll be like. It was the 'que sara sara, whatever will be, will be' tune gone real life.
Thanks to my mom, who have always reminded me that I'm old(er) by saying, " you still think you're a little girl?" or "you're not little anymore, you're almost (already) 18", I think I've moved onto a more mature state of myself. I've become more rational and realistic. I've gotten a pair of more mature looking glasses, and a pair of decent ballet flats, and I put on a little make up. Yes, I may have dressed a little older because, it's always important to look age appropriate and classy. But I think I'm quite naive still, and I like to believe that I'm quite naive still, and still have the little dumb childish side of me.
We all know how the world changes as we grow up, how everything seemed to have lost their wonder. The fort we built and loved so much turned out just to be a bunch of chairs and blankets. Santa Claus turned out to be just fat old men with fake beards sitting in shopping malls. The wise and know-all adults turned out just to be as troubled and confused as we are. The world and time, as we slowly grow up, kill the children inside of us. It was as if the adults and their world were sour for the joy and the dreams us kids have, and had to ruin it all for us by contaminating our heads and loading on our ripening shoulders, tasks, responsibilities, work and burdens.
I don't want to grow up because growing up comes with responsibilities and hard work, and growing up kills the childish naivety inside of us. Do not be mistaken though, I do want to be an adult and try all the fun things adults can do, and be independent and in charge of my own life. What I don't want is to become those troubled adults who work 9-5, or 9-9pm even, and go home and sleep, and go to work the next day. I don't want to become those adults who are filled with worry and regret, and are basically mind-dead/dream-dead/
imagination-dead. I don't want to become troubled by my own life. I want to live and be happy about my life. But I have to admit, that I think I might slowly become one of those people that I dread becoming because there's just nothing much we can do in this world. It's inevitable and there's no escaping. Innocence will soon be replaced by rationality and responsibilities. It happens to every body.
Meanwhile, all we can do, I guess, it's just to try our best to stay young and keep the kiddo inside alive and well. And I will be constantly reminding myself, for the years that I may have left to live, to be young at heart and keep on dreaming, imagining. Once in awhile, let go, let loose, be naive, be fearless, and have fun. Let's cross our fingers that the little kiddo in us will just stay for awhile longer, or stay for years longer, if not, just stay forever; so that everything will stay wonderful and miraculous, and we would still laugh and be free and worry-less, just like we all were used to be.
